I can’t write. Nor do I spend much time writing. I’ve spent the last five years feeling incompetent. I’ll occasionally find the moment to be right and work on something that feels right. Most of it feels horrible. Writing.

I’m usually in the wrong mental state. Usually in the wrong physical space.

I think about writing every day. But this translates to nothing when I sit down to write. When I was writing more steadily, I wasn’t thinking so much. I’ll work on that.

Also living in different spaces every year, and most always sharing that space with people. People disrupt. The way that Stravinsky always had to find a piano that was isolated from everyone he knew before he could get any work done. But there’s also a lack of immediacy with the spaces I’ve worked in. Unpacking my gear, getting it all set-up puts me into a strange mental state. By the time I sit down to record, I’m in some other state. Suddenly: It’s Time to Record. Then I feel paralyzed. I feel like I have to record as much as possible in one session, because when I’m done I’ll need to pack everything back up and stow it away. I developed this habit where I’d sit down to record and generate one idea. That’s it, just one idea that I liked. Then I’d simply pack everything back up, feeling strangely exhausted.

I now have Logic, though, and will be getting Pro Tools tomorrow. And I feel more competent about recording thanks to this silly school I’m attending. I promise I won’t bring this up again. I just needed to cleanse my palate of the past years. Plus I’ve been getting better at getting the better of my mind who loves getting the better of me. It’s true.

What I will do, though, is post pictures of the fun recording things that I’m doing at school. And write posts about composition and recording and all sorts of fun things. I’ll save Music Writemare (musicwritemare.blogspot.com) for other peoples’ music. This is a blog for Ariskany Records and anyone involved. I’m excited to finally have a dialogue!

Maybe this will get those ideas that bounce around my conscienceness that stop me from writing out into the world. Not that the despair will cease. Despair is necessary to the creative process; mine just happens to be about the work itself instead of a girl.